DM

What being in a relationship feels like---

You wake up to the sound of a wake-up call or messages chiming in. It can be either filled with:
sweet nothings, of how you missed each other and how you can't wait to see each other again
or a barrage of accusations as to why you're late again, of forgetting plans and just how you ruin each other.

It's like a walk in the park,
the endless talks over morning coffee turned into midnight drinks, mooning over the fact that the person in front of you is beyond anyone in the world... you think to yourself how lucky you are, how you can't wait to marry and spend the rest of your life with this gorgeous person.
But sometimes it's like a dark, booby-trapped forest:
You'll never know how an inch of movement-- a careless comment, a snide remark, or a small act can spark an explosion ruining a good date, a good day, or a good relationship. You won't even know why you were there at the first place or how you end up scarred. How you can be so alone and vulnerable when you were promised with warmth and protection.

You don't even mind to ask whether morning or night?
Because anytime is a good time.
But there are times you dread either of them.
Spiteful morning where you can't get out of the bed, unable  to find that ounce of motivation to go through the day, just utterly lost contemplating if life there is even anything life can offer than this shit hole you're in. Oh, and the terrible nights you wished that didn't need to happen! Twisting and turning, standing up and pacing, sitting down then lying down is such a tedious process to just stop your mind from churning ugly thoughts. How do I stop blaming myself, the world, and all its inhabitants for all the misery and so much pain. When all I wanted is to love and be loved.

I might not be able to get past this yin-yang situation but as it was said, maybe it really depends on having to love and lost than never to have loved at all.