How Should I Take Things From Here?

That is the question I needed to answer for my self.

I could go on for weeks and months of trying to figure out why things did and did not happen to how I wanted them to but I will only be torturing myself even more.

I stay away from my blog because I'm scared to incriminate myself. And with all the faking and toleration that I'm doing, I make things worse.

It's so scary. How I wish I could have prepared myself for the worst-worst situation that may happen. I thought it was losing, but it wasn't. It was winning on the other side of the team. Without my team and my leader. All the courage and strength I mustered during the prep were stripped down from me. Now, I feel like all the people I needed in my support group also vanished. Totally freaked out of my wits and sad.

I want to talk to someone. Someone who could share my fears and worries. Someone who could just enlighten me- to give me a perspective. Because I don't want to lose it. But there's no one to turn to.


"Why did God allow me to win? Why did God give me this position under all these circumstances?"


I want to get away just to clear my head and to find answers. But no one escapes real life. Life goes on, it doesn't stop for anybody.

I should change the way I think. I cannot think of factions and divisions anymore. I have to accept and embrace.

I have to deal with my issues like a grown-up, not some kind of wimpy grade-schooler by crying because I'm scared.


Responsibilties.


Commitment.

(c) Mashable

(I could have died typing them down, but I did not so hey maybe I could do this after all.)